Hiya Peeps. I feel so tired right now I wish I could just sleep on forever and ever, :( Not making any sense am I. Hm.

Ok. So during the past few days I had been feeling quite moody. 'Cause of all the bickering and all that that's going on at home. Like seriously, I don't even think I have a childhood. Other people's childhood was all about fun and games.. But mine. Was all about lies and... and a troubled heart. :( Like I would always use to anticipate going on outings and field trips but then sometimes it.. was just meant to fool me. I mean like, Hell. I was always being lied to when I was young. Seriously. Things got much, much worse when I was in.. Primary 2. Gahhh. I used to always live in fear when I was young you know. Like I was very scared that people would not accept me, that they would look down on me if they knew what happened at home. But ahwells. It was a very troubling period for me, really. I really really really hated him. Like how I would think that he was the cause of all my sufferings and misery. Then I would cry. :( So now if you see me in rl you would probably think I'm angry when I look at you with my normal face. That's cause I always used to twist my face into distorted shapes when I was angry. Since... Primary 2? It lasted until Primary 5 though, Then things got a little bit better. Hah. Mind you, I had already started saving money for rainy days since Primary 1. :)

Okok then there was also the incident at Primary 3.! Or was it Primary 4? Ok anyway so that day I was in a bad mood so I sort of shouted at my mother to get me some tomato and chili seeds. (Ok I know! It was wrong of me to shout at my parent. Unfilial. Tsk) Then he had to be in a bad mood that day cause of some... money problems? I think. Then he heard me shouting and he was like "How can you be so rude to your mother?!" And then after that he started caning me. Like really hitting me. Real hard. Thinking back from when I was in Pri 5, the reason why he beat me was because he wanted to.. destress? Like he felt very angry, and he didn't know who to direct his anger to. So he lashed it all out at me. LIKE @!$@#@%$^$^&%& RIGHT! I know. So ever since that day I have had held the utmost hatred and digust for this ^%&^$^%#^%%*&^ MAN who doesn't even know how to treat his children properly. Like seriously. He caused me to have a phobia of banks. OF BANKS! Even now. It still seems scary... Ohya. Did I mention he slapped me that day too? AND HE HAD THE CHEEK TO BUY ME KFC AFTERWARDS AS AN ACT OF APOLOGY. Like I care? I just threw it in the dustbin. Was what I thought in my mind. But of course I didn't. I just left it there to rot and die.

Ok so back to the topic of why I have been feeling so depressed these few days. It's like, I'm doing homework in my room. Then that guy suddenly comes barging in and demanding why I am not helping with the housework. Then he complains to me of all the dust and dirt in the house. Then he scolds me again for being a pig in the house. AND BEING STUPID. Then he leaves. Few minutes later I go out. Mother screams at me and scolds me for not helping with the housework even though she had so many things to do and I, supposedly, was wasting my time away on the computer (Half of it is true). Baby brother starts crying. Whole house is in a mess. CURSE IT. I JUST FEEL LIKE LEAVING THIS $^&$&^$#$@#$@$*&^* PLACE. Sister does nothing to help at all except to add to my irritation by extending her threshold of the study table to 3/4. SO, I HAVE HAD TO move to the table in the living room. Which is expectedly dirty like a pig's sty. OK. I admit. I live in a dumpster. Happy?

#@%$#^%&*^*&^*&^%&%&^% Yes. I hate my family. Sense the venom.